The Taj Mahal of the South

In this world of impermanence, many struggle to find something lasting. All over the world we can find attempts to build objects of permanence and leave an indelible mark.

Castles, masterpieces of art in painting, music, fountains, and cathedrals come to mind as examples. Contrary to these objects, many would say that love is the only thing that truly lasts. So if we combine LOVE and an Object of permanence, there's nothing more obvious than the Taj Mahal in India.

As I understand my history, Prince Khurram was inconsolable after losing his love, Arjumand Bano Begum in childbirth. He decided to erect the finest memorial ever seen. He selected only the most beautiful marble, found the perfect bend in the river for a lasting memorial to his beloved. It continues to inspire poets, musicians and young lovers today.

Well, that was nearly 400 years ago and I've never been to the Taj Mahal. Hopefully I will make it to India. However, I have been blessed to witness a love similar to the love that inspired the Taj Mahal into being.

Edwina and Pete Goebel were as opposite as two people could be on the outside. Edwina was the laugh out, heart on your shirtsleeve, award winning school teacher and Pete was the quiet but gifted and intelligent architect/contractor. Their love was tangible even after 20+ years of marriage. I met them in a Sunday School class in Mint Hill, NC as Edwina was the Sunday School teacher. Her authentic, funny, emotive style of teach drew many to her and to the class. Pete sat in the back but his love was apparent. His support never ending despite her zany antics. Pete loved Edwina with all his heart.

To the degree that an architect could build his school teacher wife a monument to love in the 20th century, Pete did it all and he did all right. Pete and Edwina invited the This n That Sunday School class to an old-fashioned oyster bake at their home in the fall of 2003. We attended along with about 35 others. What we found at the end of the long, narrow dirt road in Midland, NC was breathtaking.

The home of Pete and Edwina Goebel was nothing short of a masterpiece worthy of Southern Living magazine or even Architect's Digest. At first, all you could notice on the stunning, white country farmhouse was the wrap around front porch plus the 3 car garage and the gazebo off the left.

We had no idea what awaited us inside. But we were in love and understood the depths of their love once the doors opened. An arched ceiling with delicate, 2 inch wide wood covered the ceiling. Each room included a fireplace with the spectacular wood trim and hardwood floors throughout. Family photos of a younger Pete and Edwina with their tow-haired sons dotted the hallways. Room after room was hand-crafted with a story to tell. It took Pete over 3 years to build the house while he and Edwina and their young sons lived in a guest house also on the property. The house was the talk of the class but the unspoken lay in the love that they shared for one another, their family and thankfully for us, their Sunday School Class. The oysters, their hospitality, the fellowship and the quality of the evening has yet to be matched. In that moment, life was perfect. No one knew that Edwina would face a battle that she would eventually lose in 2009.

Her battle against cancer was lost at age 62. When I learned that Edwina had left us, all I could do was relive the "Oyster Bake Evening". I attended Edwina's visitation in June and it was clear that she had lived a life of love, teaching, caring, parenting, giving, sharing and inspiration.

Her family was touched by the many in the visitation line who gave many accounts of touching moments from Edwina's touch. However, most remembered that night at their home. Everyone in the family soon realized at that moment that the "Oyster Bake Night" had given us all a glimpse of pure love.

And while I've never been to the Taj Mahal, I've seen the house that love built.

Thank you Pete and Edwina for the gift of you, for the gift of true love, dedication and for the gift of your Taj Mahal. We do and will always miss you.

Short Circuit Sunday

In this plugged in world, those of us who are riding the wave of technology (not to be so arrogant as to think everyone in the free world is) are hopelessly immersed with bytes of knowledge, viral forms of expression ranging from blogs to videos to the news reporting itself by anyone with a cellphone.

A recent addition to the Millenial generation's ever growing flow of technology now have a new character depicting our future --WALL-E. However, WALL-E sends me back to the 80's to a movie with another beloved robot chararcter with his binoculars doe eyes. Short Circuit.

With some eery foreshadowing - Short Circuit - is the forefather to WALL-E. However, our Robot Hero in Short Circuit is more like us with his never ending thirst for information summed up by his catch phrase, "Need More Input!"

I find that I am never too far away from that input as I spend a supposed relaxing summer Sunday at home. I begin with an age old tradition of reading a newspaper but quickly follow it with updating my status on Facebook, transferring songs to my iPod and updating my budget on my Excel spreadsheet and of course, writing on my blog.

I can't help but compare myself to our friend in Short Circuit who discovers that knowledge is there for the taking as billions of pieces of data are beckoning me as they sit unread on my kitchen counter only a click away. As if that isn't enough, the data can be forwarded and answered from my cell phone just in case I'm not close to my computer and God forbid, I might miss an update!

So, with earbuds on, blog updated, television blarring and cell phone close by...I will have to say that I am having a Short Circuit Sunday and for the most part, I like it! There is probably a deeper reason for that happiness. Due to my fervert desire to connect with others, the technology provides that opportunity on a day that is usually meant for renewal and reflection.

Oddly enough, I am doing just that in a co-dependent kind of way. You see, it allows me to stop the incessant running of my life, the chasing of the almighty dollar to survive, the chores so the wheels of my home keep turning for a few hours. I am able to technology to catch up with my life. I actually get to choose the input instead of it choosing me.

Even though they are really cute, I have no idea where the robots will fit into this equation in the next several years or decades. For me, they serve as a reminder that technology can serve us if we use it wisely and don't fall into the trap of connecting with technology alone but rather use it as a conduit of connection.

So, for today, I am thankful for my Short Circuit Sunday but just to prove that short-circuiting can make everything go awry; it has been several hours that I've been on the computer and the only way I know there's a problem is through my butt! It is telling me it's time to take a break and connect in another way. Time to go and get out in the sun so I don't turn into a drone and experience the day in some kind of physical form as well.

Children Don't Stop Dancing

This is actually reference to a song by Creed that came up on a shuffled song mix on my iPod as I walked home from the neighborhood gym on a muggy summer night along a rain-soaked sidewalk.

For many reasons that I don't understand myself, I was melancholy. You might even say I was sad. I know the reason as to why I had the feeling but I had no idea how much I needed to hear the following lyrics to the Creed song as they start to seep into my ear canal. I walk more slowly as the dusk turns to dark and I'm totally immersed in the music.

As I reach the front porch of my home, I sit in one of the rocking chairs and listen more intently. I release into the air the fact that life hasn't been fair, that love and friendship aren't returned in the way they are given. With the tears that are welling up in my eyes, I also release the fact that foreign items have had to be cut from my body and hopefully will never return.

I then release the fact that I can't control most of what happens in my day to day life and that I feel over-run by my life instead of me directing the show. I also release that many loved ones in my life complain, dissappoint, and demand. I try to release that so many who have entered my life aren't what they appear. I know this because several have revealed their true selves to me only to force me to keep secrets I wish never had in order to spare others of the pain.

I also take baby steps each day attempting to do the most important job on the planet - be a mother. I release the angst, the guilt and the non-stop worry. I listen. I release. I cry.

At times life is wicked and I just can't see the light

A Silver lining sometimes isn't enough to make summer all seem right

Whatever life brings, I've been through everything

and now I'm on my knees...

But I must go on and I know must be strong

because inside I know that many feel this way.

Children Don't Stop Dancing

Believe You Can Fly

Oh yeah

Oh yeah

At times life's unfair

and you know it's plain to see

Hey God, I know I'm just a dot in this world

Have you forgot about me?

Whatever life brings, I've been through everything
and now I'm on my knees...
But I must go on although I've heard I must be strong
because inside I know that many feel this way.

Children Don't Stop Dancing
Believe You Can Fly
Oh yeah
Oh yeah

Children Don't Stop Dancing
Believe You Can Fly
Oh yeah
Oh yeah

The Gift of Breast Cancer

May 31, 2008

It's been three weeks since I learned I have a very early stage of breast cancer.

May 9, 2008 set my world into a tailspin to coin a phrase. I was prepared for the news moreso than my friends and family. I knew the diagnosis before it was confirmed. I could sense it based on the radiologist's tone of voice when I answered the phone that morning. So, at 11:30am while sitting in my comfortable office with a beautiful view of a lake and the interchange around Charlotte, my supposed many years before me shrunk dramatically.

The following weeks have been punctuated with looks of shock from friends, gasps and tears as well as many hugs, emails, and the standard "Let me know if I/we can do anything to help."

Mother's Day weekend was the Sunday following my diagnosis and I'm happy to say, that it was all a Mother's Day weekend should be. I spent it with my husband and children, my mother and father as well as my sister, brother-in-law and my niece and nephew. We visited Stone Mountain Park in Georgia. We had perfect weather while my husband and Sawyer, our 7 year old, watched the Laser Light Show while listening to Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol as well as basking in Southern culture dotted with Gone with the Wind references, Georgia on My Mind and The Devil Went Down to Georgia. Talk about making a Georgia Peach feel at home!!

As far as I'm concerned, my Breast Cancer gave us all a Gift that weekend. That probably sounds really odd but for once all my family just lived in the moment instead of letting petty differences cause us to argue and generally be cranky for no reason. So a few little crazy cells in my left breast brought PEACE to everyone although I could sense the fear in my parents' eyes and their voices. Even with that, this trip was laced with calm and acceptance. I was determined to have a joyous and celebratory Mother's Day and I think everyone benefited from it.



In the meantime, the unwavering support and love from friends and colleagues has been another wonderful gift. You know, it's really a shame that we don't get a chance to hear firsthand what we mean to others. Take funerals for example... what good does it do to wait to stand up at the church alter and then blubber on about how the person meant to us?? Geez. Talk about a day late and a dollar short! But I'm glad to say that I'm the fortunate one who got to hear the sincere concern.

I felt the hugs, saw the smiles, heard the kind words, enjoyed the text messages from friends on my phone that made me laugh. For a small moment in time, I was fortunate enough to know what my life means to others. That is a gift that I will remember for as long as I live.

Now I'm going to get really deep for a moment. Put on your SCUBA gear cause I'm going down to the depths where the fish don't need eyes kind of deep.

It's all so brief and it goes by like the blink of an eye, like sand through a sieve or water under a bridge, etc. Pick your favorite. Regardless, it's not forever but we act as if this Temporary gift is never-ending. What a terrible way to live life.

Now, I know better. I thought I knew before but I was only quasi-thankful and in tune with the brevity. Now I really know.

I can't think of a better gift.

Christmas 2007

For the first time since my niece and nephew were born in 2005, my entire extended family just spent Christmas together. We had 5 children, two dogs, two sisters and their husbands and our mom and dad all together under one roof.

It may not sound like such a big deal but distance and responsibilities keep us away more often than not so it is a major accomplishment for our family. It is definitely a memory maker for my children. My 9 year old daughter Jillian instinctively knows the value of extended family and clamors for it constantly so this was a wonderful Christmas for her.

My two sons enjoyed rolling on the floor with their cousins, listening to their Papa tell stories and jokes and learn from their Uncle Brian.

Despite the age differences the kids all just loved being together. The grandparents finally have their youngest grandchildren together and we all got the benefits of having a family instead of just a voice on the other end of the phone or someone to forward emails. It is tricky spending days with those whom you don't see everyday and trying to understand one another's differences. For instance, I am a total and go and do-er where as my sister is a homebody. Our two ways of life are very different but we each lead our family with our own style.

My memories of Christmas 2007 will include Emily repeating "Don't Worry, Be Happy, just one more time" so I could try to capture it on video. My dog being such a great sport and sticking close to me but all the while joining in the fun. My dad and mom cooking and cleaning in the kitchen and my brother in law and I both taking pictures of the events at hand.

We also watched The Polar Express together and listened to Nick exclaim "Oh NO!" when ever something on the TV looked interesting. Driving around looking at Christmas lights, seeing the full moon and Mars in the telescope, munching on cookies, and seeing all the kids just squeal with excitement about the whole experience. Phone calls to distant Uncles and our other sister in Pennsylvania and text messages wishing me Happy Holidays from my three best girlfriends on the planet.

We aren't finished with the holiday but I can say that this one has been one to enjoy despite the slow start that I've had the entire of month of December. We haven't done many of the typical family things we usually do such as look at Christmas lights, attend parties or be as festive as we've usually been but thankfully the past 48 hours have made up for that. It's been a Merry Christmas so far.

Doing Things vs Buying Things

What Would Jesus Buy? Sort of a poignant question to ask this Christmas, don't you think?

Actually, it's the title of a new movie that is circulating around the U.S. this Christmas. However, it's not showing in Charlotte, NC - go figure. I wonder if being the banking Capital of the Southeast has something to do with that.

I have an extreme interest in this as I've learned in my 42+ years that buying stuff ain't all its cracked up to be. Oh, I admit to being the quintessential consumer. I have stood in the bitter cold on any given Black Friday to attempt to score the oh-so-tempting fabulous deals. Like a lemming flocking to a cliff (yea I know it's a urban legend but it's still a good analogy), several of us would flock to the $399.00 deal for a laptop or the mp3 player for $9.99.

But wait, those deals are awesome! Why wouldn't you want to get in on that action? Good question. I wondered the same thing.

But then, I reflected and asked myself - "Where is the laptop today?" DEAD. My son spilled chocolate milk on it.

What about the mp3 player? GONE. The dog used it as a chew toy. You see a pattern? Stuff doesn't last - at least not for long but the debt and/or lack of funds after purchasing said items has lasting effects.

When you're younger and more prone to "buy in" (pardon the pun) to the marketing hype and get caught up in the materialism of the moment, then having "more" seems to be the answer to a lack of self-worth. We can prove (by making others notice us for a moment) that we are worthy because of the size of our home, car, or diamond.

Well, I have seen the error of my ways. I have the debt to prove it and what I've learned is this.

Doing/experiencing things is far more meaningful and lasting than simply buying things. Anyone can stand in a line and buy something they can (or worse) can't afford.

Now that I am in the mid-point of my life, I realized that I have succumbed to Affluenza. I am afflicted as are so many other Americans. Don't get me wrong, I see the error of my ways. I know that Retail Therapy is not healthy. However, ask any woman and most likely, she has lifted her spirits by swiping her credit card.

How then does one avoid the Shopocalypse? (See the movie's website for a defintion). How does a suburban working mother of three stop this crazy pattern?

I have developed a new mission statement for my family - a Mantra if you will. From this moment on -

My family is dedicated to educational moments, having many shared experiences and creating excitement in our day to day lives.

All gifts and future shopping will have to support our mission statement and therefore will allow us to do more instead of buy more.

After all, "What Would Jesus Buy?".

Peace, Shalom, and Merry Christmas.

Foggy Fields

As we drive to the school, my children are entralled by the mist that is lying across the fields . It's such as beautiful, mysterious sight especially to my youngest son who never tires of yelling "Whoa! Look at the fog!"

This morning was particularly beautiful due to the extra thin layer of mist that swirled over the fields adjacent to our neighborhood and their school. My daughter and son expressed their fascination with the way it danced and swirled like a cyclone across the pastures.

It's a rare sight and provides much pleasure to us along the way on our daily drive to school. I am glad I remembered to at least capture the moment on the blog or it might have become lost in the monotony of our everyday life.